1. If it itches, you can reach it. And no matter where it itches, no one will be offended if you scratch it in public.

2. No one notices if you have hair growing in wierd places as you get older.

3. Personal hygiene is a blast: No one expects you to take a bath every day, and you don’t even have to comb your own hair.

4. Having a wet nose is considered a sign of good health.

5. No one thinks less of you for passing gas. Some people might actually think your’re cute.

6. Who needs a big home entertainment system? A bone or an old shoe can entertain you for hours.

7. You can spend hours just smelling stuff.

8. No one ever expects you to pay for lunch or dinner. You never have to worry about table manners, and if you gain weight, it’s someone else’s fault.

9. It doesn’t take much to make you happy. You’re always excited to see the same old people. All they have to do is leave the room for five minutes and come back.

10. Every garbage can look like a cold buffet to you.

The two paintings on this page were done by Tom Hampshire, and Pat Witek, from Hampshire Witek Design. They can be reached at 508-865-0242.